Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen


There are three humping gags in the latest Transformers. Three.

I guess it's implicit in a Michael Bay film that you're going to get bad dialogue, undersexed teen gags and rampant sexploitation. And that's all fine because the real reason you're there is for the action: His bread and butter.

So then, how are the fights in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? As far as I'm concerned they're about as confusing, repetitive and anticlimactic as the rest of the film. Optimus Prime has a couple of swords but he rarely uses them despite the fact they seem to kill a Decepticon instantly (he's more of a wrestler). Every Decepticon looks the same (that is to say “grey and spiky”) and because they're all made up of too many tiny components it's often hard to tell where one Transformer starts and the other one ends. The choreography doesn't help, and nor do the many fast cuts that give the impression of action without actually showing anything.

So it's an idiotic, overlong film without any coherent action. That's my review. The audience's review? Uproarious laughter and a standing ovation at the end. Well played, Michael Bay.

Rennie - 2009/06/30 		 
   
 

My initial reaction to a Michael Bay film, as I'm watching the audience roll around in the trough, their little swirly tails bouncing with glee, is a conviction he's harnessed a brain-ray capable of, upon contact, mind-altering effects. Surely they can't be watching the same thing as me. Then I realise he has perfected the holy trinity, which I will outline here, in broad strokes:

  1. Shia LaBeouf - Or, more generally, someone who can make the best of bad comedy. There are enough jokes in this film to make it a borderline comedy, or attempt thereof, but Bay knows that it doesn't matter so much the joke as the delivery. LaBeouf has an excellent sense of comedic timing, as I think we've discussed here before, and he can really get the audience "in the mood".
  2. Megan Fox - For the ones you can't win over with jokes, win them over with a girl. A good looking girl. Don't be ashamed of it: even if she's only baking a cake or washing a window, put her in a skimpy top and have her slut her way all over the screen. Have her strip in-shot for no reason. A lot of directors might be thinking it's going to seem out of place, but Michael Bay has realised the secret: no one is game to say "Hey, what was up with Megan Fox?" because every single one of his mates will punch him in the arm (or worse).
  3. Robots - As if they needed anything beyond comedy and voyeurism, give them some big robots fighting each other. Does it need a plot around it? Not really. Can the robots also be fast cars? Yes, they can (in fact, it's preferable, which is what makes Transformers such a good fit for Bay). Again, if anyone after the movie objects then it's "Hey that fag that didn't like Megan Fox is back and this time he hates robots. Someone render his testicles useless, if they aren't already."
Transformers 2 should be, by any measure of a film, a bad one. (Un)surprisingly, though, everyone is loving it.

Adam - 2009/06/30